Mental Health Speech Notes

Hello everyone, today we are talking about mental health. I will put the core answer at the front: There is no universal standard answer for ordinary people to maintain their mental health. You don’t have to force yourself to be positive all the time. Finding a flexible adjustment model that suits your personal state is 100 times more important than pursuing "no negative emotions at all".

I have been a grassroots psychological counseling volunteer for 6 years and have come into contact with no less than 400 ordinary people with emotional distress. To be honest, people's anxiety about mental health is often more frightening than the emotional problems themselves. Last month, a 28-year-old Internet operation girl came to me and said that she had to fill in the "today's mood score" in her punch book every day. If the score was lower than 8, she felt that she was not in the right state. A while ago, she was deducted 500 yuan for missing a hot spot. She cried for half an hour when she went home. Her first reaction was not feeling sorry for the money, but "Why am I so poor at controlling my emotions?" The first thing she asked me when she sat down was "Am I going to suffer from depression?"

Don't tell me, there are really too many people who have this idea. They use the "mental health standards" found on the Internet to benchmark themselves. Last week, they didn't want to socialize, which means they have avoidant personality. Occasionally having insomnia means they have anxiety tendencies. Within two days, they labeled themselves a lot of mental illnesses, which only made them more and more tired.

The academic community has always had different views on emotion regulation, and no one is absolutely correct: consultants from the cognitive behavioral school will suggest that you first identify unreasonable beliefs, such as "I must never make mistakes." This is an absolute idea. After adjusting the beliefs and emotions, the emotions will naturally go smoothly. I have seen many people who are deeply trapped in perfectionism slowly loosen their bonds through this method.； A humanistic counselor may hold your emotions first and tell you that crying is not wrong and there is no need to rush to "correct" it. A little girl who works in design told me that she forced herself to hold back every time she broke down. Until a counselor said to her, "You can cry for an hour, I will stay with you." After crying that day, she felt more relaxed. ； Positive psychology, which has been popular for several years now, advocates everyone to pay attention to positive experiences. However, many scholars have criticized it, saying that it may turn into "positive kidnapping" - when you are obviously being bullied and you have to force yourself to "look away", it will cause internal injuries. There is no right or wrong in these views, it’s just that they suit different people.

I held a sharing meeting in the community last week, and a 62-year-old aunt raised her hand and said that she had tried mindfulness meditation and emotional diary, but she couldn't sit still or write. Her way of adjustment was to go to the community garden to feed stray cats for half an hour every afternoon, pick up the cat litter that everyone put beside the flower bed, and watch the kittens rub against her trouser legs. All her worries were gone. Do you think this method can be found in textbooks? It doesn't seem to work, but for her, it works better than any paid psychological consultation.

I once met a young man who was working in engineering. He told me that people on the Internet teach you to "reconcile with negative emotions." He was particularly resistant: "Why should I have to reconcile with such a bad thing when my colleagues are trying to trick me? I just want to be angry." Hey, I particularly agree with what he said. "Not reconciling" is a reasonable option. You can hold grudges, feel unhappy, and roll your eyes ten thousand times in your heart. As long as you don't hold this fire in your hands to torture yourself all the time, and occasionally use it to complain to your friends, and then turn around and do whatever you want, there is no problem at all. Mental health is not just a matter of "calm clouds and gentle breeze". People who dare to love and hate will have a stronger mental state.

Many people ask me if I have any general tips. I have two commonly used ones. You can try them. It doesn’t matter if they don’t work. One is to don’t scroll through your phone when you’re in an emotional state. Don’t search for “am I depressed?”. Instead, wash the dishes or clean the range hood. Dip some dish soap foam on your hands and rinse them with cold water. Your attention will quickly return to the present moment. ； The other thing is don’t hold on. If you can’t sleep well, can’t eat well for a week in a row, and can’t get motivated at all about the things you liked before, don’t hold on. Talk to a professional counselor, or go to the psychiatry department of a regular hospital to register. This is no different from going to the doctor when you have a cold. There is no shame in it.

Finally, let me tell you the truth. Mental health is never a test that requires you to work hard to get a perfect score. It is more like an umbrella you take with you when you go out. It is not too heavy to put in your bag when it is sunny. When it rains, you can just take it out to block it. There is no need to always benchmark against other people's standards. Some people like to run to relieve stress, some people like to stay at home and sleep all day, and some people feel comfortable just by scolding. As long as it doesn't harm yourself or affects others, it doesn't matter. You don't have to force yourself to be an "emotionally stable adult". If you can get off the emotional roller coaster safely after it's over, you've already won.

Thank you all.