Four ways to manage stress

Physiological signal interception method, cognitive dissociation labeling method, boundary rights and responsibility separation method, and meaning anchoring reconstruction method. There is no complicated theory, and there is no need to set aside an hour for meditation. You can use it anytime, anywhere, even if you are running a big promotion, auditing during the annual review period, or working as a clinical nurse.

I worked with an e-commerce operator last year. She always had stomach pains half a month before a big sale. She took half a drawer of stomach medicine to no avail. Later, I taught her that as soon as she feels her stomach tightens and her temples jump, stop, press the Neiguan point on the inside of her wrist with her fingertips, inhale through the nose for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, and exhale for 6 seconds. Do this for 3 rounds in a row, up to 1 minute, and the physiological reaction will suppress most of it. She told me on June 18 last month that she had only taken 3 stomach medicines this year.

Of course, there are different opinions. Researchers in the cognitive school often say that this is "treating the symptoms but not the root cause" - you are just pressing the body's alarm and not solving the source of stress. This is true, but you have to stop the alarm first before you can calm down and find the source? You can't just calm down and deal with the problem when the alarm is sounding, right?

After the body's reaction subsides, if your mind is still in a mess and a bunch of voices like "I'm done" and "I definitely can't do it well" are going around, you can use the cognitive dissociation labeling method.

This method is the most commonly used tool in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). To put it bluntly, it’s simple: Don’t treat the negative thoughts that pop up in your mind as “real.” Just treat them as passing comments or that relative in your family who always likes to worry. You don’t need to argue with them or force yourself to “don’t think about them.” Just put a label on them. For example, if you think "I'm going to screw up this report", just say "Oh, catastrophizing thoughts" in your mind. If "Why am I so useless" comes up, put a "self-denial label" on it. I have a friend who works as an auditor for the Big Four. During last year's annual review, he thought "I'm going to die suddenly" every day. Later, every time he had this thought, he waved his hand in the air and said, "Okay, I know the trumpet, I'll finish the adjustment entries." During that time, his anxiety scale score dropped by 40%.

Supporters of traditional cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) don’t quite approve of this method, thinking that if you don’t correct these irrational beliefs, they will pop up next time. Both ideas are actually supported by empirical evidence: If you are so busy at the moment that you have no time to think about "Why is this idea unreasonable?", the dissociation method is enough. ； If you have time, it is of course better to sort out your beliefs slowly.

Many times the pressure cannot be relieved because it is not because you have poor emotional regulation ability, but because you have taken the blame that you shouldn't have. At this time, the boundary separation method of rights and responsibilities is used.

I once had a client who was a product manager. Every time a project was delayed, he would suffer from insomnia for a week. He always felt that it was all his fault. Later, I made a list with him and divided all aspects of the project into three categories: completely controllable, partially controllable, and completely uncontrollable. For example, whether the requirements document is written clearly enough and whether the requirements are aligned with development in advance are completely controllable. ； Whether the development schedule is tight or whether other projects are involved is partly controllable. ； If the boss wants to change the demand temporarily and the cooperation department suddenly loses control, this is completely uncontrollable. After finishing the list, he discovered that 80% of the things he was anxious about before were "completely uncontrollable" and he couldn't change them even if he didn't sleep every day. Later, every time he felt stressed, he would pull out this list. For matters that were not within his scope of authority, he would at best keep communication records and never take responsibility for himself. His insomnia gradually improved.

Of course, some people say, how can we make such a clear distinction in the workplace? If your boss insists on giving you the piston, can you still refuse? I'm not asking you to be tough - you can take it on the surface, but you have to know in your heart that this job is not yours. If you do it well, it's a matter of friendship, and if you don't do it well, it's not entirely your problem. Don't take all the pressure on yourself first, and you won't be able to do it.

The first three are used to deal with sudden stress. If you are chronically exhausted and can't get motivated to do anything, and you always feel like "what's the point of doing this", then the meaning anchoring and reconstruction method is more suitable.

This method is not complicated to say. It just means that you find a small, specific meaning anchor for yourself. It doesn't need to be a grand goal of "changing the world," but it just makes you feel "Oh, what I do is still useful." I know a pediatric emergency nurse who was scolded by unreasonable family members every day and almost resigned. Later, she made a special photo album. Every time a child was discharged from the hospital, she would draw a small picture and put a small sticker in it. There is also a friend who works as a content reviewer in a large factory. He watches a lot of terrible content every day. His anchor point is to feed the stray cats downstairs after get off work every day. He said, "No matter how tired I am today, I still let three little guys eat hot meals. This is not in vain."

Some people think this method is too "chicken soup". What's the point of talking about it when you can't even pay the rent? It is true that this method is useless for the kind of acute stress that is imminent, but if you have been feeling tired and unable to do anything for three or four months in a row, there is no harm in giving it a try - after all, even if you are making money, you have to know why you are making money, right?

To be honest, I never tell a client, "You have to eliminate stress." That's impossible. As long as you are alive and have what you want, there will be stress. I use these four methods every day: when I’m working on a deadline for a book manuscript, I first do three rounds of breathing to suppress panic. When my mind is confused, I mark negative thoughts as barrages. I go through today’s events before I get off work. I never take home responsibilities that are not mine. When I can’t stand it any more, I watch silly videos of my cat tearing down the house.

What suits you is the best. You don’t need to apply any rigid theories. It’s enough to prevent you from being led away by pressure.