I am well versed in self-healing

Self-healing is never a pass game to "eliminate negative emotions", nor is it a standardized skill that can be replicated by relying on a few psychology classes or a few best-selling books. It is the muscle memory of "living with all states" that you develop through collisions with emotions again and again. I have practiced it for 3 years, and now it only takes 15 minutes to go from emotional collapse to recovery. There is no metaphysics, it is all hard experience gained from stepping into pitfalls.

I just gave it a try last Wednesday afternoon. The plan to change to the 7th version was @ in the group by Party A, who said, "I still almost feel bad." Then I turned around and the landlord sent a message saying that the rent would be increased by 20% next month. I just stared at the screen and sighed, when the cat at my feet jumped on the table, and with one paw, I picked up the hot American style I had just soaked on the mechanical keyboard. At that moment, the sourness rushed directly to the tip of my nose. In 2019, I would definitely have squatted on the ground and cried for half an hour, looked through my address book and complained to my friends until the early morning. As a result, I stood there that day, closed my eyes and counted 12 deep breaths. I took out a tissue to wipe the coffee stains on the keyboard, and replied to the landlord, "I will consider giving it to you next week." "Please reply" and replied to Party A, "Please tell me which part does not meet expectations and I will adjust it." He turned around and opened a can of tuna for the cat that caused the trouble. In more than 10 minutes, the suffocation in his chest disappeared by itself. In the evening, I went to eat butter hot pot with my friends as usual, and even the tripe was crispier than usual.

Speaking of which, the pitfall I stepped into in the first place was that I believed in the "change of mind" theory of the school of positive psychology. When I was laid off in 2020, I forced myself to repeatedly recite "all experiences are gifts" and "leaving is for a better start." As a result, the more I recited, the more blocked I became. I wandered around the Third Ring Road for three hours at two in the morning, and almost fainted on the roadside due to hypoglycemia. Later, I came into contact with the view of the psychoanalytic school, which said that all emotional problems should be traced back to childhood trauma. I had three long talks with a counselor. I cried for two hours each time. I felt really good after crying, but I still collapsed after getting off work the next day and couldn't catch the subway. It didn't solve the actual problem at all. Later, I also practiced mindfulness meditation and sat listening to the audio for 20 minutes. My mind was filled with unread work messages. The more I sat, the more anxious I became, and I finally gave up.

The method I'm using now is quite unprofessional, which is the "no-entertainment principle": when you get emotional, don't treat it as an enemy that you want to drive out, or as a distinguished guest that you want to coax. Just treat it as a neighbor downstairs who comes to visit you for nothing. You should cook and mop the floor. Don't take the initiative to talk to it. It will feel bored after sitting for a while and leave on its own. Carry a hand-sized notebook with you, and when your emotions are overwhelming, you will write random things, including swear words and complaints. You don’t need to worry about logic or handwriting. After writing three pages, you will tear it up and throw it into the trash can.

Oh, yes, my best friend still doesn't agree with my method. She is a typical "emotional outward type". Every time she collapses, she will find a KTV to open a small box and sing bitter love songs for three hours. When she sings until her voice becomes hoarse, she will just come out and blow the wind for two minutes. The two of us argued about this matter two years ago, and both felt that the other's method was useless. Later, after seeing more people around us, we realized that there was no standard answer. Some people think it's useful to cry a little, some think it's useful to run five kilometers, and some think it's useful to sit on the sofa and watch stupid idol dramas for an afternoon. As long as it makes you comfortable, any method is good.

A while ago, a netizen complained to me, saying that she followed an online tutorial to learn self-healing and forced herself to write a gratitude diary every day. She had to write down three happy things that day. However, when her grandmother passed away, she really couldn't write it down, and she felt like a failure. She couldn't even do self-healing well. I was angry and funny at the time. The most deceptive part of self-healing is the "sense of should" - there is no such thing as "you should get better soon" or "you should be positive and optimistic"? If you are sad, you are sad. If you don’t want to be good, it is bad. Allow yourself to stay in bed for two days, allow yourself to eat a whole box of ice cream, and allow yourself to curse in the air for half an hour. This in itself is part of the healing.

I had a collapse yesterday. My aunt was breaking out in a cold sweat from the pain, and she still had three manuscripts to rush. I stared at the screen for two minutes, turned off the computer, and sat on the sofa all afternoon watching an ancient romance drama. While watching, I gnawed on a popsicle. When I gnawed on the third popsicle, I suddenly felt that it was not a big deal. If I had to stay up late to finish the manuscript, I would take painkillers if I felt any pain. The sky would not fall.

Anyway, now I am not worried about whether I will suddenly have a sudden emotional breakdown. Just like an experienced driver who has been driving for five or six years, he can drive on the way to and from work with his eyes closed. Even if he encounters a traffic jam or a traffic jam, he knows that there is no need to panic. He can always make a detour or wait for a while, and he will get home. To put it bluntly, the so-called familiarity with the road is not a gift. It is just that you have fallen down too many times and you finally know how to comfort yourself.