Mental health and emotional control self-evaluation

Combining 3 years of emotion recording data, professional Emotion Regulation Scale (ERS) evaluation results and daily scene feedback, my current emotional control ability is in the upper-middle range of "adaptable to most daily work and life scenes, and only has regulatory loopholes under high-intensity stress events." It has neither reached the "emotional maturity" standard defined by clinical psychology, nor does it have pathological problems such as emotion regulation disorders.

When we contacted Party A last week to change the plan to version 7, the other party said lightly, "Let's go back to the feeling of the first version." My knuckles holding the mouse turned white. Three years ago, I would have typed a reply on the spot, but that time I just took out the mints I always had in my pocket, put them in my mouth, walked to the corridor and blew in the wind for two minutes, and when I came back, I smiled and said, "No problem, I'll send it to you after I finish the adjustment in half an hour." I neither dumped my negative emotions on the subordinates who were waiting for the request, nor did I have any conflicts with Party A, nor did I feel panicked afterwards - this is probably the normal state of my ability to control my emotions now. The records of my emotional diary in the past 12 months show that I have experienced high-intensity negative emotions with a score of 7 or above (out of 10) 14 times, of which only 2 times I acted impulsively (once when I had an argument with a deliveryman who lied over time for 40 minutes, and once when I rushed I dropped my wireless mouse when the project lasted until three o'clock). The remaining 12 times were completed within 15 minutes. The ERS scale score was 4.2/7, which just fell into the top 35% range of the domestic adult norm. The data was basically consistent with the actual performance.

Oh, by the way, I have fallen into the pitfall of "controlling my emotions is to suppress my anger" before. When I first started working, in order to appear professional, I suppressed being scolded by my boss and blamed by clients. As a result, I had a stomachache for half a month. I went to see a doctor and said that I had stomach cramps caused by emotional internal friction. Only later did I understand that in psychology, the practice of suppressing emotions is called "expressive suppression", which is the most cognitively demanding of all emotion regulation methods. It may seem like you are not angry, but in fact it is the most serious internal damage.

There is actually no unified standard for the idea of ​​​​emotion regulation in the industry, and the opinions of different schools are quite different. I often read about cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and the most recommended adjustment method is "cognitive reappraisal". To put it bluntly, it means looking at the problem from a different perspective. For example, when I saw a report submitted by a subordinate that was full of errors and omissions, my first reaction was "Why is this person so careless?" Later, I changed it to "Did he have something at home recently, or I didn't make the request clear before?" The probability of getting angry was directly reduced by 80%. I have been using this method for more than half a year, and my daily mood swings have indeed been reduced a lot. But my friend who is a psychological counselor is from the humanistic school. She always says that I don’t need to always think about “controlling” my emotions. The more I treat my emotions as my enemy, the easier it is to be controlled by my emotions. Last month, my mother suffered a heart attack and was hospitalized. When I received the call, my hands were shaking and I drove through two yellow lights. Before, I would have scolded myself that "I can't be stable on this matter." But that time I listened to her and squatted in the hospital corridor and cried for 5 minutes. There is also the mindfulness therapy recommended by many people. I followed it for more than two months and did a daily 5-minute breathing scan. Now when I encounter an emergency, my first reaction is not to cry out, but to subconsciously take a deep breath. I think this change is quite magical.

The loopholes are quite obvious. Last month, the project I had been responsible for for half a year was suddenly cut off. I was bored for three days. I didn't want to talk and couldn't eat. I only managed to recover by complaining to my friends twice. My adjustment efficiency was still too low for such a sudden major negative event. I also tend to be impatient when facing people close to me. When I was arguing with my mother about whether to take health supplements, I would often blurt out "What do you know?" and then regret it after saying it. This common problem of "being polite to strangers and taking offense to family members" has not completely changed for me to this day.

To be honest, I have bought a lot of books on emotion management before, and signed up for a 99-yuan, 7-day emotional stability training camp. At the time, it was advertised that after completing the course, you would be able to "disappear emotions and emotions". Looking back now, I think it was purely an IQ tax. Emotions are people's instinctive reactions. If there are really no fluctuations, what is the difference between them and wood?

I don’t have such high requirements for my emotional control now. I don’t have to force myself to achieve any perfect standard. As long as I don’t let my emotions lead me most of the time and do things I regret, it’s no big deal if I have a breakdown or get angry occasionally. After all, being able to get along well with your emotions is more important than "completely controlling your emotions".