Emotion Regulation Case

There is essentially no unified template for all effective emotion regulation programs - it does not require you to learn sophisticated psychological techniques, nor does it require you to be a "perpetually emotionally stable adult". As long as it matches your triggering scenarios and cognitive habits, even if it is a method that seems outrageous to others, it will be the optimal solution for you.

Zhang Wen, a 32-year-old Internet content operator, just stepped through the pit of emotional regulation last week. She stayed up late for three consecutive weeks to revise the 618 activity plan. At the weekly meeting, her boss casually said, "The quality of the content this time is a little worse than last time." Her nose felt sore on the spot, and her knuckles holding the pen turned white. She couldn't hold it in for two minutes, so she ran to the stairwell and squatted on the ground crying for half an hour. She still had the unfinished plan in her pocket with the screen on.

The first thing she went to was a cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) counselor. The method given by him was very classic: when she was emotionally overwhelmed, she first counted four abdominal breaths, and then asked herself three questions: What is my current emotion? Is the trigger point the boss’s evaluation itself, or is it my exhaustion that has reached the critical point? What's the worst outcome of this? When she first started using it, she was even more anxious - while she was counting her breaths, her mind was still thinking, "I can't even control my emotions. Will my colleagues who are passing by see me as a joke?" The more she thought about it, the more confused she became, and she almost shed tears in the conference room.

Later, she had dinner with a friend who studied Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and the other person gave her the exact opposite idea: Don’t force yourself to “calm down right away,” and don’t judge, “It’s wrong to be angry.” Find an outlet for your emotions first. She currently has a soft durian squeezer in her desk drawer, and a palm-sized scribbling notebook. When she gets emotional, if no one is paying attention, she can squeeze the durian for five minutes, or scribble in the notebook for 30 seconds. There is no need to force herself to be rational immediately, and she can get rid of the energy first. Now she alternates between two methods: when it is inconvenient to move during a general meeting, she uses the CBT breathing method as a buffer, and in private she relies on pinching to relieve her anger. In the past half month, she has never been close to crying in public.

You may not believe it, but I met Xiao Lin, a newly graduated programmer in the emotional companionship community, who took a completely different path. He used to get excited when he heard that the product said "there is a small requirement that I would like to change". Once, because the product wanted to overturn a function that had been in place for half a month, he dropped the keyboard on the spot and crooked it. He had never read any psychology-related content, so he figured out a "physical isolation method" on his own: as long as the product came to make changes, he would stand up and say, "I'll get a glass of water first." He would walk around the office area, petting the company's orange cat on the way, and talk again when he came back. He never blushed with the product again. He said that no method is as useful as walking for two minutes. "When I left, most of the fire had dissipated, and when I came back to listen to the needs, I felt it was not so annoying."

There used to be a very controversial statement on the Internet, saying that "emotional stability is the best match for adults", and the two sides were quarreling.

Supporters of the traditional psychoanalytic school will feel that deliberately pursuing emotional stability is a kind of depression. Subconscious emotions cannot find an outlet, and sooner or later they will turn into migraines and breast nodules. There is a girl in my community who has not spoken back to her boss for three years. Last year she was diagnosed with thyroid nodule 4a. The first thing the doctor said was, "Don't keep everything to yourself."

Researchers from the cognitive-behavioral school believe that everyone’s understanding of “emotional stability” is distorted—it’s not about preventing you from crying or getting angry, but it’s about not letting your emotions lead you to make decisions that you regret. For example, it’s really unnecessary to slap the table with your boss at the weekly meeting and then turn around to find that you haven’t paid your rent next month.

The most outrageous and effective adjustment method I have ever encountered was shared by a girl who worked as an auditor: Every time she was so angry with a client, she would go home and clean the range hood. Watching the thick oil stains being wiped shiny, the air that was stuck in her chest was relieved. There is also a boy who works in design. Every time he changes a plan until he collapses, he squats downstairs in the community and counts stray cats. After counting 5 stray cats, he goes upstairs to continue making changes.

These methods don't sound "professional" at all, but they are useful. After all, emotions are never your enemy. The more you fight against them, the more energetic they will become. It is better to try a few more according to your own habits and find a way to get along with each other that is comfortable for both of you. That is enough.