Insights and experiences after self-healing

Only in my third year can I dare to say that the ultimate answer to self-healing is never to "eliminate all negative emotions" or "become a perfect emotionally stable adult", but that you finally learn to live with yourself in every state without judgment, and there is no standard process that is universally applicable. Whatever suits you is right.

Speaking of which, when I first embarked on this path, I was completely ill and sought medical treatment. At that time, the entrepreneurial project I was working on collapsed, and my mother broke her leg and was hospitalized. I could only sleep 3 hours a day for half a month. I would burst into tears when driving at a red light. I had half a screen of healing courses and emotional management books stored in my phone, and I wished I could "cure" myself in a week.

Looking back now, the various popular healing methods on the market actually have their own applicable scenarios, and there is no need to create a chain of methods. I tried the CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) thought record sheet. When I had an acute anxiety attack, I wrote down the thoughts in my mind such as "I can't do anything well" and "everyone is laughing at me", and then looked for counterexamples accordingly. It took about ten minutes to pull me out of the emotional whirlpool. It is especially useful for people who need to solve emotional problems at the moment. ； Some people also say that CBT is too "treating the symptoms but not the root cause". If you don't dig out the root cause, there will always be a relapse. This is true. After I stabilized my condition, I slowly followed the idea of ​​psychoanalysis to trace the source and understood the reason why I was so afraid of "losing control". The essence was that when I was a child, my father would be violent for half a month every time I failed in the exam. I subconsciously tied "things went wrong" and "I will be abandoned" together. Of course, some people think that going over old childhood memories is meaningless and a waste of time, and I completely understand - when you can't eat or sleep, who has time to think about what happened twenty years ago? Let’s get over the current hurdle first.

There was a lot of quarrel on the Internet before about "healing requires separation from the family of origin". I have been exposed to both viewpoints. Most of the people who support have been mind-controlled and blood-sucked by family members since childhood. If the boundaries are not clear, they will only be consumed repeatedly. Physical isolation is the fastest way to stop losses. ； Those who oppose it feel that blood ties cannot be cut off at all, and escaping completely will leave unfinished knots in their hearts, and they will still be poked when encountering similar scenes in the future. I myself tried not to talk to my dad for half a year, but later I found that I didn’t have to go to extremes. I just no longer expected him to give me things he didn’t have. In the past, I always expected him to recognize my work. Now I know that he has been in the system all his life and cannot understand the pressure of the Internet industry. When I went home, I only told him that the cat downstairs had given birth to several more cubs and that the price of pork in the vegetable market had recently increased. On the contrary, we got along much more comfortably than before.

I was stupid enough to make self-healing a KPI before, and saved up a bunch of check-in templates, requiring myself to meditate for 10 minutes every day and write a 300-word emotional diary. I persisted for 21 days, but one day I worked overtime until early in the morning and forgot to check in. I sat on the sofa feeling so guilty that I cried for half an hour, feeling that I couldn't even do the "getting better" thing. Later I realized that there is no healing task that must be completed? If you don't want to move today, just lie down. If you don't want to be happy, just feel sad. As long as you don't scold yourself "Why are you such a waste" next to you, it will be the best healing.

Last month, I broke up with a friend I had known for five years. I still squatted in front of the convenience store downstairs from my company and cried for half an hour. Before, I would have slapped myself twice - after spending so much time healing, why is it still so useless? But that day, after I finished crying, I wiped my face, went in to get a bottle of iced Coke, turned around and ate the butter hot pot that I had been craving for a long time, without even posting it on WeChat Moments. You see, healing does not mean giving you a painless injection. It will still hurt when it should hurt, but you will no longer inject yourself with two injections when it hurts.

Seriously, now I don't expect to be "fully well" anymore. Just like you will catch another cold even after you have recovered from a cold, it is human nature to feel sad when something bad happens and to get angry when you meet a fool. Self-healing is never about giving you an invulnerable shell. It is about finally learning to give yourself a cup of hot ginger tea when you are caught in the rain. You don’t have to wait for others to coax you, and you don’t have to scold yourself for being so careless in getting caught in the rain.

There's still a long way to go, so it doesn't matter if we go slower. We don't have to meet any deadlines anyway.